Womb Watchers: Stop, It Hurts


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On the 3rd day of Koriteh Eid-al-Fitr, my Friend Nyima and her sister Tima came to see me so we were busy in the kitchen cooking boiled chicken served with vermicelli. As we were chatting, discussing our various businesses and how to increase sales on Social Media, we had a commotion between one of my neighbours in the compound and an outside neighbour. My Neighbour Fatou was yelling on top her voice saying "What right do you have to come here and tell me to my face that since my husband is around, I should get pregnant? You think because Allah gave you children, you are better than me." 
The outside neighbour was just laughing and saying she was joking and did not mean it that way. 
Then we notice a cold terrifying look on Tima's face.
I turned my attention to her and asked, babe are you okay?
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and she smiled. She said, I am fine, it's just that I can relate to her pain.
She sighed, took a deep breath in and out and continued. Coming from a Family of fertile women, some of whom give birth every year without any complications, I never thought I would be an exception. But here I was, 4 years into marriage, and I was still the same. No changes to my body, no swollen stomach and no cry of a baby I can call mine and yet, they keep asking me when are you getting pregnant?
I lost count of how many Pregnancy Test kits I bought over the years. Sometimes the beginning or at the end of each month or when I notice that I added a little weight or when my monthly flow is a bit late. I have lost everything but hope and that is why I kept using the test kit hoping and praying for a positive result. The trauma and excruciating pain that comes with receiving a negative result on each attempt is hurting than being told by Doctors that you have few months to live.
You know, I used to have a loving home with a loving, cheerful and caring husband who never took his hands and eyes off me and my body. A man who worships the ground I walk on and pampers me like a mother pampers her newborn. Yeah, he was mine and we were friends, lovers and teammates until the Womb Watchers got to him and brainwashed him. 
He stopped going out with me to Family gatherings and ceremonies, particularly one that had to do with kids.
I mean, it is not his fault. I am a beautiful woman with curves in the right places. Fair skin tone, fully rounded breast. I am a complete woman on the outside and I wish I could say the same about my internal organs but I can't because I can't conceive. I experience nothing, not even a miscarriage. Whenever I am on my way to work, market or just taking a stroll and I come across a mother and her baby, I get an emotional breakdown because they have the one thing I am desperately hoping and praying for. I have a great job and a fat salary but I will give it all up for a baby, just one baby.

My husband no longer looks at me and when he does, I see pain, regret, and disgust in his eyes. We live like roommates and I walk on eggshells around him doing my best to avoid his anger and tantrums. He no longer has sex with me. In his own words, "I can't waste my precious  sperm on an empty shell." 
He is right, that's what I have become, an empty shell. 
My sister-in-law and women like me accused me of caring about my job, taking good care of my body and refusing to get pregnant like other married women.
At first, they were part of the team, helping me solve my childlessness issue. They subject me to drinking every kind of herb and bathing with it as well. But I guess they are tired and concluded that I have no womb.
One faithful day, I closed from work and walked in on my in-laws discussing a bride price for another woman for my Husband. It looks like they are at a final stage and no one thought it wise to tell me. I mean, I am still his wife, barren or not, I deserve some respect. 
My husband's elder sister said, they are sorry that I have to found out this way but as a good wife, I shouldn't have a problem with another woman coming to my matrimonial home to help me and my husband out with a child or children. She said all the marabouts they visited said I am barren and this is the only way out.
I left them in the living room and went into my bedroom. I locked the door, undressed and stood in front of the mirror and I was convinced that I had enough and it was time to move on. 
I took a cold bath to wash away my sorrows and get rid of words like, when will you get pregnant? or when will you give me a grandchild? When will we attend your kid's naming ceremony?
I filed for Divorce and moved out of the rented apartment to my apartment. I was going to cheer him up with it because I thought it was my fault that he was sad. I realised they had already marked me a barren woman and there was nothing I could do to change that. 
I have been divorced and single for a year now and no one is asking me when will we hear the cry of a baby in your house and that is a relief. 
I am not sure my life will remain the same again but I will pick up what is left of it and move on. Nyima and I got up from our seats and gave her a long deep emotional hug.

The question is, how many women do we have to victimize and continue to victimize over getting pregnant? 

It hurts, please, stop.


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