The Sermon: A wife should treat a Husband like a vegetable

 

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It was a chilly evening. I closed late from work, coupled with the traffic congestion along the Westfield-Brikama Highway. My head felt heavy and my eyes were sore from staring at the screen of my laptop. Upon reaching home, it was almost time for Maghreb prayer and I performed ablution and prayed. I decided to dish food and silenced the grumbling sound in my stomach. While sitting at the diner, I took my phone to log in to TikTok to browse through videos entertain myself, and maybe laugh a bit from the funny videos I will stumble upon.

All of a sudden, a religious video popped up and the message was what attracted me to it. He is a Gambian preacher and he was preaching about marital issues between a Husband and Wife. My name is Bintou Camara and I have been married for 5 years with two kids. I am a working-class woman, heading Communications at an NGO and my Husband is into Construction. We both manage our time well and take turns helping out with the household and the kids.

When I heard the voice of this preacher, something drew my attention to the Video and I clicked on it to watch and listen to his sermon. He was preaching in Mandinka and he said “How can a woman compare herself to a fellow woman who pampers her husband by taking him to the bathroom to bathe him, massage him, cook delicious meals for him, feed him, help him to put on his clothes, and worship him like the king he is.” He said any married woman who does not do these things cannot compare herself to a woman who does it. He said when such a woman dies, she will enter Jannah.

The video ended and I clicked to watch it again and listened to his words. I began to picture such a man who would need these services the preacher mentioned. The only man who came to mind is incapacitated or in a vegetable state. I cannot picture an able-bodied man, full of life and energy, allowing his woman, wife, and companion to drag him into the bathroom daily, bathe him, massage him, help him put on his clothes, go to the kitchen to cook delicious meals for him, feed him, etc. I said to myself, maybe he is referring to a man with a stroke or one who is bedridden and cannot do anything for himself. But I listen again, and I realize that he is not referring to a sick man.

Even a woman with no kids to take care of, cannot handle such a life unless she is a robot with no emotions. Shouldn’t a woman be pampered? Or does the burden of making marriage work in the Gambia lies surely on the shoulders of women? I wake up at 5 am every day, do the dishes, clean the house, cook breakfast, take a bath, and pray Fajr. By the time my husband gets back from the mosque, I am done dressing up and heading to the highway to struggle for a vehicle so that I can get to work on time. My husband takes care of the kids and makes sure he drops them off at school and picks them up when they close. How would my life turn out if I was supposed to do as the preacher states?

Why are some of our honourable male scholars preaching according to their desire? Is the man preaching based on how he wants to be treated by his wife? Does he base this on any hadith from the prophet of Islam (SAW)? I began to imagine the negative impact such a video would have on the mindset of young married men. Maybe such videos and preaching are responsible for the high rate of divorce among young couples.

The Prophet Muhammed (SAW) said “The best among you is one who is best to his wife, I am the best among you in my dealings with my wives.” He asked his ummah, the men to be kind to their wives and not treat them like slaves. The scholar on the other hand gave slave-like duties to women saying that is the only way they will enter Jannah. What will happen to my loving home if my husband stumbles upon this video and changes his mind about having empathy for me and helping me around the house and with the kids?

“Once a Persian neighbour of the Prophet who was well-known for his excellent cuisine invited the Prophet for dinner. The Prophet inquired if the invitation was extended to his wife as well. Upon receiving the answer in the negative, the prophet turned down the invitation. The neighbour returned in the afternoon and invited him again. Prophet Muhammad asked him again if his wife was also invited. The neighbour refused to invite his wife, upon which the Prophet once again turned down the invitation. The neighbour came a third time and invited both of them. Prophet Muhammad gladly accepted the invitation and accompanied his wife to the neighbour’s house for dinner.”

I was hoping to hear this kind of story from our Islamic scholars and preachers in the Gambia to married couples but not to tell the woman to slave away her life for a man for her to enter Jannah.  When the best of mankind, the prophet (SAW) was romantic, loved, and pampered his wives and treated them justly.

To the men, our loved ones, whenever you come across such preaching that goes against what the Quran and the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said about marriage, remember what Allah says in the Quran. “They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them, (verse 2:187.)” This particular Quranic verse about marriage describes spouses as clothing or garments. Both husband and wife are required to play the same role in the relationship.